Go Hard or Go Home

There is this truth that some men are not good with women. I am not good with women, even in my past, even in my home country, even with the ones of my own race. And nor do i like to be whipped by holding my ears to the ramblings of the female kind.

Coming out of India, I get to know of partnerships which are accepted in lieu of marriage. Where relationships are not entirely about marriages or money  but about exploring  Life together in activities like tramping and upbringing offspring's similarly.

In past, while in India, out of desperation, been once in a  sort of "awkward" relationship with a girl and  the definition of marriage  for her was like "the day when everyone's eyes fell on her" - quite dramatic but which sure was reason enough to make me uncomfortable  - "a ridiculous ceremony where people eyes fall on me".

Since already in Kiwi Soil, obviously the smartest and easiest option to stay safe of visa expiry is to get a Residency Sponsorship from a Partner Kiwi woman . 

But its uninviting to think how unworthy one has become if one is to take such unscrupulous shortcuts- by not having the will to concentrate steadfast on tertiary studies   - by not having the will to put yourself up  in a skilled profession market- by not having the will to face your stutter alone - by not having the will to face  life each and everyday . Its a Go hard or Go Home.

I am uncomfortable with any intention of going back as my main intention of coming here , spending a fortune, was to get a  higher Quality of Living than in my home country which unfortunately belongs to the third world. As I can see, only the upper middle class owns a PS3 or a Car in India  , while the whopping majority is "poor" due to the over whelming population. Whilst in the first world, arguably there are no "poor". 

As my forefathers in India  didn't take any ships to anywhere in search of green pastures , the onus is on me to do a modern day immigration. But understanding how arduous  was for any first settlers anywhere since they have to start from square one in building up a settlement. Maybe one should go to a survival camp to experience that.

And given my interest in  practicing good spoken English, at some point in future, its probably good for me to get someone with English as her first Language as a partner  and one who has a stutter so that its easy to find a common ground.

But one should never be desperate - even when getting the last pounding.

To end the post,as someone said, its not the destination,but the journey that matters more